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135 | The Impact of Village: Rebirth of the Mother - Dr. Vernette Kountz

With many stories to share, Dr. Vernette reflected with us on her most recent birth, her seven-month-old son Hudson. Understanding her birth experience with him began way before now. At sixteen, she got pregnant; however, her family was adamant that the choice to be made was termination. This decision would include a deep grieving process but set the stage for the subsequent important choices in her life. When she got pregnant again at 20, her mindset was clear; she was keeping this baby, the beginning process of finding her voice, especially in her womb.

Dr. Vernette had always known she had a calling to surrogacy, even before the birth of her first son - because she had "took life from her womb," she "wanted to give life." Working with a surrogacy agency, she was clear about the parameters of her surrogacy journey; staying clear about them allowed her to build an authentic relationship with the fathers of the twins. Upon meeting each other, they all immediately aligned, and in building a relationship that felt true for the three of them, she is still involved in the girl's life, with periodic calls and check-ins. Most notably, her surrogacy journey was the turning point for her about being intentional in setting intentions for the journey of carrying and birthing life. So in September 2020, when she became pregnant with her son Hudson she had a solid template to work from in building her birth team and navigating her pregnancy and birth.

Her birth team included her doula, birth photographer, three black midwives, and a friend serving as a maternal figure (filling the space of her mother and godmother who had passed). She shared the sentiment with all of them that she needed "to be mothered" for this journey. Throughout the birth, they did this, a moment that she recalls vividly is laboring in the birth pool, and whenever she reached out for support or comfort, there was always someone there. That support gave her the freedom to listen to her body - laboring on the toilet, utilizing movement, and when she felt the need to push, doing it without hesitation. Following the guidance of her midwife, she took a deep breath and pushed Hudson out. The final push to a birthing journey free of limitations!

Abortion, Birth Center, Hospital Birth, COVID-19, Twins, Postpartum, AdoptionLaurel GourrierJanuary 6, 2022Black Midwives, Black Motherhood, Black Doulas, Perinatal Mental Health, Maternal Mental Health, Maternal ChiropractorComment

134 | Making Peace with the Unknown - Ivory & Ernest Levert Jr.

For Ivory and Ernest a previous miscarriage had introduced a fear of pregnancy loss that loomed for a while. Their healing has enabled them to share their story with grace and humility. As the pregnancy thrived, Ivory and Ernest began to manage and prepare for childbirth. They hired a ROOTT perinatal support doula to support their pregnancy. They were able to start working with their doula in the critical stages of the first trimester and all the way through labor and immediate postpartum. Ivory always knew she wanted to work with a ROOTT doula and found it helpful to process her feelings and birth plans in the early stages with someone else.

Ivory utilized our podcast to listen to a slew of birth stories to learn what possibilities could present when labor started. An online childbirth education helped them learn even more about expectations and how labor could unfold. Ivory felt empowered with her newly gained knowledge. Ernest graciously shared that he was not emotionally invested in how the pregnancies would go, as he tends to stay in the now. His parenthood journey grew slowly as they got closer to their due date. Ernest started a grieving process of shifting his identity to make space for a new baby. Leaning into the voices of friends that are fathers, he learned to fill the gaps and help with managing stress for Ivory.

When labor started, Ivory texted her doula and Ernest that she was cramping. She wanted to stay active and decided to take a walk and spend some time with her husband at home as she wanted to stay relaxed. Contractions picked up, and they chose to report to the hospital to see how labor was progressing. Labor would go on longer than anticipated, but with the support of Ernest and their doula, Faith, Ivory endured. She gave birth to their daughter and immediately began her breastfeeding journey.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, Loss, PostpartumLaurel GourrierDecember 16, 2021ROOTT Doulas, Miscarriage Stories, Birth Preparation, Partner Support, Midwife, Doula of Color, Community SupportComment

133 | Birthing in the Body - Gianna Fay

Gianna Fay, a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM), tapped into herself as a resource as she ventured into her pregnancies. She also called upon people she had connected with along her journey as a birthworker. She started her first pregnancy living and working in Alaska. Gianna had access to the military base for care and where she worked. Allowing her to try out "centering pregnancy" at the base and thought it was a good option for them to allow her to "be the person pregnant." "Centering Pregnancy" is the process of having private physical exams completed by CNM's and doing all the other care as a group with other pregnant people. Other preparation included working out and curating a birth team to support her preferences. At the end of her third trimester, introspection through journaling and reading lots of positive birth stories (as a CNM, this helped clear her mind of all the things she sees daily). Gianna knew that she wanted to be in labor land, wanted to be a midwife and experience birth in her body with no interventions if possible.

After carefully planning and preparing for her pregnancy and labor support, she went into labor at 39 weeks three days with a huge gush of fluid in bed that woke her up. Labor moved faster than expected, and she welcomed her healthy son after managing her own choices.

Gianna and Evan discovered they were expecting again at the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic. They would welcome their second child as an unexpected blessing after experiencing the joy of their first child's birth. They were no longer living in Alaska and transitioning into new roles and responsibilities. Gianna desired to birth in a natural birth center, especially as she met most of the criteria to qualify for a low intervention experience. But her fetal growth ultrasound indicated severe intrauterine growth restriction. A wave of emotions began to move through Gianna as her midwife brain and birthing person brain started to conflict. She sought a second opinion and started to utilize her resources again to manage her care. However, she had unintentionally pushed the first domino, leading to a cascade of interventions. She would have an induction that tested her patience and will. She did not experience labor land or even feel like she was in her body like her birth with Jacob. Gianna had to pause and reset before going further down the road of interventions. The reset worked, and baby Elijah was born healthy and was not small, which confirmed what she knew in her heart.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierDecember 9, 2021Black Midwives, Certified Nurse Midwife, Induction, Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR), Tearing During Birth, Birth Preparation, Maternal Mental HealthComment

132 | Trusting the Surrender ~ Aureyl Pitts-Thomas

Having had a chemical pregnancy before, Aureyl held onto a lot of fear about her health and its correlation to how this pregnancy would continue. Not feeling supported by her care provider, she reached out to two of her dear friends who also happened to be doulas at the time with the local doula organization Restoring Our Own Through Transformation (ROOTT). This additional layer of support gave her the tools to switch to a new care provider that was perfect for her family. Her doula also guided her in managing her hyperemesis gravidarum diagnosis. In a conversation with her doula, she realized that she had to address the fear she had about her body. Her doula explained that she couldn't "operate in both." She had to be either affirming that she was truly capable or sit alongside the fear. Aureyl realized she had to do the work and shared from then that her pregnancy and birth would have a theme of continued surrender - surrendering to her body, words, and thoughts about what her experience should be.

On Sept. 13th, 2020, around midnight, Aureyl went to the bathroom and noticed some fluid with a pink tinge. Having done in-depth prep with her doula about what to expect when labor began, Aureyl was pretty confident her waters had broken. She informed her doula, her family, and care provider and went back to bed to try and rest. The following day with the support of her doula, they tried to help labor progress with movement, continued to monitor the amount of fluid she was losing (as she had a small leak), along with her temperature and baby's heartbeat. After 24 hours of this routine, they decided to head to the hospital. The hospital birth team informed Aureyl she would need to get a cervical check to confirm that her waters had broken and how her body was progressing. This check was extremely painful for her, and after hearing that she was only 1cm dilated, she expressed feeling a sense of deep discouragement, and the tinges of distrust of her body began rising again. Discussing options with her birth team, she decided to rest, and as she continued to move through her birth, the trust of surrendering she had put in her pregnancy would still ring true.

Aureyl had to ask herself to surrender to the shifts of her birth; this included the support of Pitocin to help her progress. The guidance from her doctor in getting an epidural to ease her distress with cervical checks and the later part of her labor was supportive. And ultimately, meeting her baby on Sept. 15th through a surgical birth was what was aligned for them. Reflecting on her experience, Aureyl indicates that she could be at peace with each of those decisions as they were all made on her terms. And she looks back on her experience in awe of how beautiful it was for her.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, Loss, Postpartum, Cesarean BirthLaurel GourrierDecember 3, 2021ROOTT Doulas, Doula of Color, Black Doulas, Doula Support, Black Birth Matters, Maternal Mental Health, Birth Plan Shifts, Trust Birth, Surgical BirthComment

131 | Unplanned Homebirth - Erica Maddox

Joining us for her second birth story share, Erica Maddox came back with a whole new set of skills as an experienced birth worker, allowing her to show up for herself in a way that helped her create an experience that helped her heal. Erica was a teen mom when she experienced early delivery with her first child. Twelve years later, she would deliver her son early, but she prepared herself for that happening, as she asked to have her cervix measured throughout the pregnancy. Awareness and preparation proved to be critical components of having the birth she wanted.

Labor would be intense and quick, but it was familiar, and Erica had called her sister to the home as she made preparations for her oldest child, whom she hadn’t planned for, to be there. Erica was intentional about not shifting the plan or boundaries with her daughter in which she had not prepared for that role. She and the baby went to the hospital, accompanied by her sister. Erica shared that she had delivered the baby at home and was coming to be checked out. The hospital staff greeted them with lots of questions and astonishment. They were ready to start their protocols, but Erica made them pause and advocated to maintain their bonding time. They relaxed a bit once they knew she was a birth worker. Her self-advocacy allowed her to maintain a gentle transition of environment for her and her newborn.

In the spirit of intentionality, Erica created a plan for her postpartum care to protect her mental and physical health. Building a healthy support system has been the key to developing a healthy family structure for their family. Removing the superwoman persona and allowing her world to shift and change as needed with grace is proving to be the best practice.

Home Birth, Hospital Birth, Postpartum, UnassistedLaurel GourrierNovember 18, 2021Unplanned Homebirth, Home Birth Transfer, Birth Advocacy, Doula of ColorComment

130 | Birth Rooted Overseas - Rokhaya Ndiaye

With a history of irregular menstrual cycles, Rokhaya decided to download an app to help her track them better. In early December, she was surprised to get a notification that her cycle was three days late. Ignoring it for a little bit, but with time passing and no change, Rokhaya and her husband found out they would be expecting on Christmas day. Restrictions from the pandemic would require a 14-day quarantine and needed to get the COVID vaccine if they decided to travel back to Canada. Wanting to wait out her options, Rokhaya paused on that decision. With her first trimester having some challenges, her doctors recommended she should not travel if possible. Moving into her second trimester, she focused on preparing for her birth, but by the time things began reopening, she was past the point of travel being safe, and Jamaica became the place their birth story would occur.

Five days past her estimated due date, Rokhaya began having light contractions about 7-9 minutes apart. With things progressing quickly, Rokhaya and her husband decided to head to the hospital. Upon being admitted, Rokhaya was 6cm, and her water broke shortly after. Reflecting on her birth, Rokhaya thought her son would have come earlier than he did. She had done so much work on focusing on coping with the pain; she couldn't listen to her body that her baby was ready to come earthside. It wasn't until the nurse told her her baby's head was out that she focused, and within three pushes, "prince" Ali was born.

In the immediate postpartum, Rokhaya felt comforted by the community of women she was surrounded by - as, in Jamaica, there aren't separate quarters, and the women all stay together. Ali was born unresponsive, and after having a couple of seizures, the doctors wanted to keep him for monitoring. For Rokhaya, she could not have her golden hour and was discharged without him for ten days. The first 6-7 weeks were hard for her, navigating her healing, Ali's recovery, and breastfeeding. She and her husband found that when they were able to listen to Ali, the better they did, being able to communicate and figure out what he needed allowing them to find their footing in parenthood.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierNovember 11, 2021Black Families Matter, Black Mamas Matter, Birthing During COVID, HypnobirthComment

129 | Victorious Together - Chelsea Butler

Chelsea always knew that her first child would be a son. However, she couldn't predict the circumstances of when she would become pregnant. A global pandemic would bring her aspirations of acting to a screeching halt as production stopped. She shifted gears as she needed to prepare for caring for herself and a new baby. Emotional issues developed as her relationship with her partner deteriorated. She felt alone. Depression set in, and conflict with friends and family grew.

Elevated blood pressure, news that the baby was determined to be large for his gestational age, and gestational diabetes concerns overshadowed her birth plan hopes. Her provider started discussing a surgical birth before she had an opportunity to labor. She disagreed with her OB/GYN's preeclampsia diagnosis and decided to change from hospital birth to a birth center that could support her plans. The midwives at the birth center agreed to accept her for care. She didn't feel connected to them or fully confident about the birthing space, but she pushed forward as it seemed like a better option than the hospital.

Chelsea's membranes ruptured, and she contacted the birth center. She was told to rest and give herself time, and she eventually went in to have her fluid tested for amniotic fluid. After two days of leaking and intense back pain, she contacted the midwives, and they told her to wait again. She reported to the birth center on the third day, and her rupture was confirmed. However, she had not dilated despite feeling like her body had completed a lot of work. She kept herself active and wanted to use water therapy to support her comfort. She would manage the labor, but her cervix did not dilate. She would eventually transfer to the hospital to manage the rest of her labor. The hospital shift was challenging mentally and physically. Chelsea reached ten cms and immediately started to push even though her son was still high in her pelvis. A surgical birth became her last option, and it was quickly discovered that her baby had swallowed meconium and had fluid in his lungs. In addition, she had nearly hemorrhaged. She reflected on the intensity and degree of interventions in the hospital; everything she had wanted for her birth had crumbled. She felt disconnected from the people caring for her and the space she was in.

Carrying all of the trauma home with her new baby would be a rollercoaster. Therapy and group support have helped. She has also connected with the women in her family to help build her connections and heal. Healing comes one day at a time with intention.

Cesarean Birth, COVID-19, Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierNovember 4, 2021Perinatal Support, Perinatal Mental Health, Surgical Birth, Postpartum Mental Health, Birth Trauma, Healing, Postpartum HemorrhageComment

128 | Mothering the Mother - Megana Dwarakanath

Megana knew that she wanted a family, and before meeting her husband, she had even considered taking on the role of parenting without a partner. But soon after moving to a new city, she met her husband; they fell in love and began discussing expanding their family. They both wanted to have two kids before Megana got a bit older and had planned to start trying to conceive after getting married. But their March 2020 wedding was canceled due to the beginnings of the COVID-19 pandemic, leading them to move forward with a small ceremony and begin trying to conceive in May.

As a healthcare worker (pediatrician), Megana was aware of the studies around birthing folks in her field having two times the rate of infertility than others. Many of her friends in residency with her had shared their struggles with infertility. With that in mind, she was emotionally prepared to have some struggles of her own with conceiving but was grateful that she was pregnant within three months of trying. The beginning of her pregnancy was layered with many parts. They were going to be moving cross country; she had lost both her grandparents, dealing with the pandemic and also working through the pandemic and didn't fully have care established where they were moving; Megana describes that time as "surreal."

Amongst her birth preparation, she was journaling, reading, and listening to positive birth stories and remained active, running up to her 39th week of pregnancy. Her due date came and went, making Megana uneasy as she knew she was losing time from her maternity leave. Her jobs maternity leave policy would give her 12 weeks, and she had already begun using some time waiting on the arrival of her baby. Taking that into consideration, Megana elected to support her progress with an induction. Induction included two doses of misoprostol, moving her quickly into intense labor. Reviewing all her options and managing the frequency and intensity of her contractions, which had started putting her baby in distress - Megana decided to have an epidural to provide them some rest and allow her body the space it needed to continue to progress. After about an hour and a half of pushing, her daughter was born. Megana did suffer from a 2nd/3rd-degree periclitoral and labial tear, which would impact her in ways she wasn't prepared for.

Within her great support village, Megana's sister would be the guiding light in helping her navigate all the new transitions. The reality of how debilitating her tear was, combined with the level of rest she needed and what maternity leave entailed for caring and bonding with her daughter Megana was falling into a postpartum anxiety/depression cycle. With the support of her sister, they established some concrete strategies to guide her through this time and enable her healing.

Megana's journey with an extremely short maternity leave due to the American Board of Pediatrics policies has led her to be a driving force for changing maternity leave policy. She wrote an oped that has changed policies in her department and has a postpartum group for other South Asian women to discuss some of the cultural misogyny and expectations they contend with. Check these essential resources out in the show notes.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierOctober 28, 2021Birthing During COVID, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Mental Health, Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Support, Community Support, Maternity Leave, Tearing During Birth, Healthcare Worker, InductionComment

127 | Friendship to Family - Giánni & Ron

Giánni and Ron expanded their family in 2019 and 2020, welcoming two beautiful daughters to fortify their new marriage. They were already parents building their blended family, but these pregnancies connected all of the dots and allowed them both to journey through the highs and lows of creating a new life together. They were both interested in having mature and intentional pregnancy experiences.

The first pregnancy was without complications, and Giánni was able to have the labor and delivery she had hoped for. Upon learning she was pregnant again shortly after her birth, Giánni and Ron paused and carefully considered if and how they would move forward with this pregnancy. She had made plans for her life's next steps and knew that committing to bring forth another life could prompt her to delay some of her dreams. They chose to maintain the pregnancy as their family members had recently endured the loss of an infant due to stillbirth. They felt called and chosen to accept this gift.

Giánni's second pregnancy occurred as the pandemic was shifting the daily lives of everyone. It brought health challenges that would make the pregnancy hard on her physically and mentally - including not knowing if Ron would be present for the birth. He had fallen ill around the same time as her induction and was admitted to the same hospital. She had the support of her ROOTT doula but was thankful that Ron would be discharged, joining her for the birth of their child within a couple of hours of her delivery. She would continue to have to monitor her health to stabilize her blood pressure with the support of the doctor and doula as they continued postpartum care.

Vulnerability was and has been the key to working as a team and building a solid foundation for their family. Ron articulated the need for fathers to have spaces to come without pretense or thought about who they are, their occupations, or social status. He also acknowledged the need for partners to create space for their wives to have time for themselves to recharge and work on their dreams. Giánni and Ron were able to come to each other with their needs by defaulting to the friendship they had before marriage. Giánni exclusively breastfed, and she found herself often feeling "touched out." Ron stepped in to help with researching and supporting Giánni until she was able to build herself up as well. Balancing four children proved to be challenging as they all needed something different from their parents. Breakdowns come, and they have kept up their communication and are persevering.

COVID-19, Hospital Birth, Loss, PostpartumLaurel GourrierOctober 21, 2021ROOTT Doulas, Black Doulas, Birthing During COVID, Miscarriage Stories, Stillbirth, Blended Family, Postpartum SupportComment

126 | Blocking Out the Noise - Charlene McCraney

Charlene read, watched, and listened to anything she could to prepare for her birth. Knowing all the negative messages surrounding the birth experience for Black women, she wanted to make sure she was educated for her birth. As she started learning how hormones and the body worked together and the cadence of physiological birth, the layers of fear she was holding onto started to peel back, solidifying her decision to have an unmedicated birth. Other things that supported her during this time included hiring a doula and guarding herself against any negative stories or news about childbirth to stay in a positive mindset.

Charlene described her birth as being "uneventful," so two days before the birth of her daughter, attending her routine appointment, she was thrown off that her blood pressure was elevated. It remained elevated throughout the visit, prompting her care provider to have her stay in labor and delivery for a while so they could monitor her. Considering the additional symptoms, Charlene was having - headache and seeing "sparkles" combined with a blood pressure that would not drop. The conversation shifted to signs of preeclampsia and her needing to be induced that day.

The initial shock of such a significant shift in her birthing plans caused for pause for her. Utilizing the "BRAIN" tool (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing) she had learned in her childbirth education class, Charlene was able to walk through the process of next steps feeling fully informed and focused on trusting her intuition. As she moved through her induction, the rest of her birth plan became just as important; she made sure to use hydrotherapy and movement. She was trusting her body, and as she exclaimed: "blocking out the noise" from her care providers about how to listen to her body. So when her daughter made it earthside, she was still happy that she could have her birth her way.

Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierOctober 14, 2021Doula Support, Birth Without Fear, Preeclampsia, Birthing With Intuition, InductionComment

125 | Expect the Unexpected - Keneisha Pennyman

“When you decide to conceive, you’re going to have a hard time.” This was the assessment given to Keneisha during her first appointment with a new gynecologist. There were no tests completed to make that determination, only a conversation that the provider thought it was abnormal that she had never had a pregnancy scare or abortion. Striking Keneisha as odd and concerning for her health, she never returned and avoided gynecologists after that encounter. Later that year, illness struck, and she took a pregnancy test, but it was negative. Two days later, she decided to go to her primary provider and was tested again, with the test being positive. Keniesha and her husband began planning their prenatal care, and to their surprise, at the ultrasound, they discovered that she was 14 weeks along and the baby was well developed.

At 35 weeks, Keneisha reported to the hospital and discovered she was 4 centimeters dilated. She didn’t feel like her body was ready to deliver a baby, but her medical providers were convinced otherwise. She wanted to go home, but she wasn’t feeling the contractions, which concerned her doctor because she may not make it back to the hospital in time. She dilated to 5 centimeters, but labor slowed down, and she could go home on bed rest. Keneisha began a weekly ultrasound check as the baby measured small. By 39 weeks, Keneisha was 6 centimeters dilated and consented to a membrane sweep. A few days later, she would feel a mild contraction, and excitement started to build that this may be labor day. Keneisha went into her labor feeling fearless and managing her contractions at home. She and her husband would make their way to the hospital following her lead. The support of her husband, mother, and doula and allowed her body to guide the experience. They welcomed their son safely and under the attentive care of her provider. She had shocked herself and felt a wave of relief that the pregnancy journey had come to an end. She had gone into this pregnancy with a shorter time frame to adjust and plan but managed to educate herself enough to birth without fear.

Laurel GourrierSeptember 23, 2021

124 | Embracing Motherhood - Derikka Vaughans

Starting her first day of nursing school, Derikka Vaughans was surprised to find out that she had also started her journey through motherhood. She would take medical leave from school during her first trimester as navigating being sick and family stress would leave her a bit overwhelmed. Derikka expresses that, in full transparency, "I didn't get a chance to fully embrace pregnancy in the first trimester." and that with limited resources for women of color in her community, "I didn't really know what to expect from the experience." The most prep she had done was planning her baby shower.

So when Derikka started having mild contractions, she just attributed them to having gas. Her mom suggested to her that they could be contractions, and they should begin timing then. Throughout her labor, Derikka had to make shifts to her birth plan but reflected that an integral part of her story was when she was trying to decide about pain management. She had hoped to have an unmedicated birth, and it would be her dad who would allow her to find her voice and do what felt best for her at the moment. Speaking with him over the phone, Derikka explains that he spoke life into her, affirming her and her decisions. For her, she feels that if she had had more support like her dad's on her birth team, many things would have gone differently and that it wasn't until after the birth of her son that she felt educated about birth. She is now using her experience and knowledge to support other families in her community of Montgomery, Alabama, as a birth and postpartum doula.

Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierSeptember 16, 2021Birth Preparation, Doula of Color, Black Families Matter, Black DoulasComment

123 | Living the Promise - Carrita Flie

Carrita Flie graciously opened up to us about both her miscarriages and birth. This was the first time Carrita shared the details of both her traumatic losses and one amazing blessing. Due to her history, her third pregnancy was heavily monitored. She worked with maternal-fetal medicine in addition to a regular OB as she was considered high-risk. They discovered that her cervix had thinned at 21 weeks and had a cerclage placed to help keep her from delivering her baby early. It was difficult to hear that if her water broke during the procedure, there would be no life-saving efforts for the baby due to "point of viability" gestational age, which can vary from 20-24 weeks in different areas. Her planning was minimal as she could only focus on having a living, breathing child at birth. The plan was survival.

Carrita reached 26 weeks and attended her regular prenatal appointment, and it was without incident. When she arrived home, she started to notice regular contractions and eventually lost her mucus plug. She called her husband for support and was taken to the hospital. The nurse at the hospital immediately dismissed her concerns and denied that she was in labor. The doctor on call completed a cervical exam and confirmed what Carrita already knew. Carrita had reported to the ER three times before that day and was angered at how she could have been better served by the staff and possibly prevented the premature birth. She had a brief encounter with her baby after his emergency surgical birth by way of a resounding cry. He was whisked away to the NICU for care, and Carrita remained in the operating room with her health issues. It was traumatic as she felt everything happening to her body as her epidural had started to weaken. A Black nurse was present with her in the operating room that she credits as being an angel to her and kept her safe from potential harm as her doctor was trying to manage her care.

Postpartum was stressful as she was pumping for her newborn and studying for her finals in her postgraduate program. The NICU stay began snowballing as her baby battled respiratory issues and infections that led to life support measures. The road to recovery and healing would be long for both Carrita and her husband while they were both on their trajectories. The space to pause was delayed for over a year as their family managed the health concerns. Today, Carrita can see not only where she was but who she is now mentally and physically. Their son Isaac, named after the promised son to Abraham and is growing, healthy, and strong after enduring multiple surgeries and therapies.

Hospital Birth, Loss, NICU, PostpartumLaurel GourrierSeptember 9, 2021NiCU Families, Emergency Surgical Birth, Preterm Babies, Cervical Cerclage, Postpartum Mental HealthComment

122 | To the Moon & Back - Alicia Tetteh

Alicia Tetteh joins us for a second time after sharing her twin birth with us in Episode 57: The Body Holds the Score. Alicia and her husband, Solomon, discovered they were expecting their third child during the pandemic shutdown of 2020. Luna was a surprise for them but came with a new and experienced version of Alicia.

Alicia started with a previous hospital for care but added midwifery support as she considered birthing at home. After garnering support from Solomon, she began planning an intentional homebirth with a Black midwife for the pregnancy. Despite finding a Black midwife, she had difficulty finding Black birthers who had experienced a homebirth to offer additional support. They worked towards preparation for the birth by reading and leaning into the midwife to answer her questions.

Alicia admits that there were some unrealistic expectations about laboring at home that didn’t match the visuals in her mind or on social media. Labor started after a family walk through a petting zoo. When they arrived home, Alicia found herself unable to relax and move through the pain of the contractions. Her choices regarding food, music, and creating her environment ranked high on what she was thankful for. She contributes Solomon and Jesus for her ability to deliver their baby girl at home without medication. Her previous twin birth was a surgical delivery, and she had been numbed through the physical feelings of delivery.

Preparation for birth was high on the list; however, postpartum planning took a backseat. Alicia found herself unprepared, despite the memories of her twin birth recovery. The physicality of birth was heavy on Alicia’s body. There was support from family, friends, and their doula in the first couple of weeks. After the first month, sleep routines and managing twin toddlers took over their world. Solomon and Alicia have managed their “new normal” with teamwork and genuine co-parenting. Alicia wants moms to maintain their sense of self and have an identity outside of motherhood that helps them experience the joys of life.

Home Birth, COVID-19, Postpartum, VBACLaurel GourrierSeptember 2, 2021VBAC, COVID-19, Midwifery Care, Doula Support, Postpartum Planning, Postpartum Support, Home Birth FamilyComment

121 |Aligning Care - Dr. Petagaye English

Dr. Petagaye English graciously joined us to share her experiences with pregnancy and birth. Her pregnancy would challenge her health and wellness and desire to be a "model patient." Because Petagaye is a physician, her provider did not follow AGOC recommendations which would have helped release her from being her own caregiver. There is a difference between being your own advocate and being charged with monitoring your own vitals and determining when you need additional care. Petagaye deserved to have a provider who took medical history into account every step of the way. She changed providers but still found herself back under that physician's care in postpartum. A birthing person deserves care that allows them to take off the hats they wear every time they enter a space to be cared for. Her provider honed in on issues that didn't match Petagaye's concerns and missed vital information that ultimately led her to change providers at 32 weeks gestation. Her new provider was focused and attentive to her medical care and monitored her closely. She was eventually scheduled for an induction.

The labor process proved stressful as her pregnancy had been shrouded with medical issues beyond her control, leaving her feeling robbed of some of the joys of pregnancy. Leading up to her delivery, she experienced anemia, hypertension concerns, and intrauterine growth restriction. She would deliver her baby after 40 hours of labor. But because her baby was smaller than average, she stayed in the hospital longer for bilirubin treatment and blood sugar monitoring. Unfortunately, she would return to the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia under the doctor's care she had fired at 32 weeks.

Dr. English credits her pregnancy challenges with shifting her practice in the care of her patients. She never wants anyone to feel the way she did during her pregnancy. She spent so much energy trying to be a "model patient" that her care from other medical professionals was neglectful and dismissive. Her advice is not to be afraid to seek care from somewhere else if the care you are receiving does not match your research and preferences.

Hospital Birth, COVID-19, PostpartumLaurel GourrierAugust 26, 2021Induction, Preeclampsia, Fibroid Awareness, Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR), Hypertension, Anemia, Birth AdvocacyComment

120 | Surviving the System - Teairra Cummings

When Teairra was pregnant with her second son, she knew right away. Once confirmed, she began preparing for a birth in which she felt that she was in control. She decided a homebirth was best and hired a midwife who was supportive of all of her decisions to navigate her pregnancy in a way that felt intuitive, safe, and liberating for her.

Late in her pregnancy, Teairra traveled with her grandmother to support her as her grandmother's son was passing. Upon returning from the trip, her midwife noticed a large amount of swelling and encouraged her that she probably shouldn't travel anymore and start bed rest. But a week after her grandmother's son passed, having spent that time on bed rest and her swelling better, Teairra decided to join her at the funeral in Missouri. On March 12, 37 weeks pregnant, while getting ready to head to the airport to return to LA, Teairra felt her water break a little. She called her sister, instructing her to let her midwife know she was heading back to and prepare to meet her at her home for the birth. Teairra's sister encouraged her to go to the hospital as she probably wouldn't make it home in time. Teairra agreed and headed with her mother to the closest hospital to their home.

She had decided to have a Lotus birth, which the hospital was not well educated about or had experience with. The nurses began using intimidation tactics to force Teairra to adhere to hospital protocols that did not serve her, her healthy son, or her birth experience. Standing firm in her choices, this medical harassment continued for two days. Speaking with her midwife in LA, she instructed her that she needed to leave the hospital or risk the hospital trying to take her baby. Her midwife walked her through what to say to hospital staff, what to get in writing so that she could sign out "Against Medical Advisement." Under immense stress and great haste, Teairra left the hospital with her mother, not expecting this fight to continue once she was home.

Being sent by the hospital staff, police began harassing Teairra's neighbors and family members of her whereabouts and surrounding her home for about a week, with DFS not letting up for an additional 30 days. On May 23rd, she was finally able to return home to LA with her son and fours years after still healing, but able to process and share while helping others on their journeys.

Hospital Birth, Home Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierAugust 25, 2021Black Families Matter, Midwifery Care, Medical Harrassment, Medical Kidnapping, Lotus Birth, Postpartum Support, Medical Industrial ComplexComment

119 | Birthing in Light, Hope & Honesty - Alyestal Thomas

We first met Alyestal Thomas when she shared her first birth story with us (Ep. 19 |The Power Within) and were delighted when she reached out to share her second. This pregnancy would bring both mental and physical challenges for Alyestal to navigate. Her anemia had brought on intense exhaustion that would require continuous monitoring throughout her pregnancy. And while at times she would feel she had strong management of that, her mental health suffered quite a bit. Her prenatal anxiety was rising, with panic attacks about 4 to 5 times a week. She knew to be in a space to birth her baby the way she wanted to; she had to confront this challenge and be honest about it. So when she connected with her midwives, she was open with them about how she was feeling about her pregnancy. They were able to connect her with a therapist to unpack her feelings and fear. Therapy affirmed the challenges of being pregnant during a pandemic paired with not always having her husband present when she needed his support and advocacy. And that she was allowed the space to grieve missing and losing expectations that she had for this pregnancy.

With her first birth, Alyestal experienced a TV-worthy breaking of her waters. A concern she had this time around is that this wouldn't be the case, and she wouldn't know when she was in labor. However, a week before her daughter was due; she had another TV-worthy breaking of her waters. COntractions were a bit inconsistent, but she reached out to her midwives to keep them informed. As labor progressed, she and her midwives decided their arrival would be best. When they arrived at 1:30 am, they did a cervical check, and Alyestal was 2cm dilated. After some discussion about the next steps, she consented to a stretch and sweep. Her midwives left and instructed her to call when she felt they were needed again. That call came at 2:30 am with the midwives arriving at 3 am - and Alyestal soon after meeting her daughter 4 mins to 5 am. When describing her birth, Alyestal expresses that "birth was everything that didn't know she wanted it to be and birth was everything she wanted it to be." Feelings that she wishes for every birthing individual to feel - a sense of comfort and ease.

Home Birth, COVID-19, PostpartumLaurel GourrierAugust 19, 2021Home Birth Family, COVID-19, Midwifery Care, Black Birth Matters, Prenatal Anxiety, Birthing Without FearComment

118 | Pivot - Lauren Jones

In reflecting on her pregnancy and birth, Lauren Jones shares that it involved longing and fear. Being someone who enjoyed knowing all the things and being as prepared as possible, the uncertainty of pregnancy was a constant juggling act. She was used to doing things a certain way, and this time required a level of letting go and immense learning she could never have prepared for. She began to understand the environmental impact around her health, working with her gestational diabetes diagnosis and tapping into the new needs of her body. All lessons that beyond the birth of her son she is still carrying with her.

Lauren was 42 weeks and two days when labor began. Ending a day of running errands, she started feeling her body "stretching," — throwing her into a routine of letting her body move from bed to the tub, to couch over and over, following the lead of her body. Using Buddhist chants to keep her breath in rhythm to the movement until she and her husband decided it was best to head into the hospital.

Lauren knew she wanted to get some rest and asked for pain medication to support her sleep efforts upon arrival. Not expecting to sleep from 6 am - 6 pm and to be awoken by her care providers that it was likely time for her to begin pushing - which was confirmed from a cervical check that she was 10cm dilated. But Lauren describes that in those moments, she felt she had lost her sense of control. During labor at home, she thought she could be present for her experience, and waking up in this state of shock; she expressed feeling "really scared" and felt like she had to submit and change her birth plans. She consented to an epidural and began pushing. After some time had gone with no change in her son's descent and with him showing signs of stress, her care providers began discussing options to help support him earthside. Taking time to think it over, Lauren and her husband decided to move forward with vacuum assistance - but before her care providers could even get it on, Lauren pushed her son out, he was placed on her chest. At that moment, she describes feeling such a sense of peace.

Laurel GourrierAugust 5, 2021Comment

117 | Staying Present - Annette Perel

Before the pregnancy of her son, Annette Perel had been a doula for about four years. Considering her experience from supporting other families, she was set on the plans for her birth and what she needed to do to prepare. Key aspects of that preparation included hiring a doula and midwife for her home birth, learning to become assertive in her communication to advocate for herself, and soaking in the joy of her pregnancy.

Not able to turn her doula hat off, Annette was sure that her son would be coming past his estimated due date. Thanksgiving evening, she was surprised as she began noticing some early signs of labor but pushed them off as she could move through contractions with ease. That night she was even able to sleep through them. Over the next two days, she would fall into a rhythm of working through manageable contractions throughout the day that would subside in the evening and morning. Annette and her son's father took that time to complete the last preparation before his arrival.

Moving into day three, labor would begin to shift and become more intense, Annette needing to lean into the support of her son's father and doula. Staying present in her birth was very important for her - an anchor that allowed her to connect with her baby and body, serving as a technique for managing labor and allowing her to trust herself. This would be vital as Annette delivered her baby into her own hands with the support of her doula and midwife, who was providing guidance via phone (as she was still making her way to Annette). A moment she describes as feeling "guided, protected, safe and exactly how that labor was supposed to happen."

Home Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierAugust 3, 2021Black Doulas, Doula Support, Home Birth Family, Village Support, Trust BirthComment

116 | Healing From Within - Tiffany & Krystle Smith

Tiffany shared her birth story and reflections on her journey through a rough pregnancy, being sent home from the hospital, resulting in unassisted home birth, and how her healing from it all continues 11 years later.

Labor thrives best in an environment where the birthing person feels safe, secure, and supported. The environment should be comfortable and consistent with minimal interruptions. These factors were challenging to grasp for Tiffany as she didn't know where she would be or who would help her deliver her child. Tiffany's managed her labor at home as she leaned into family support. When contractions reached 5-10 minutes apart, she called the hospital, and she was encouraged to report there. Upon her arrival, she discovered she was dilated 2cm. She chose to stay at the hospital and walk until she felt a shift. She was rechecked with some progress and informed the provider that she wanted to stay due to how intense her labor felt and how far her home was. The medical providers were dismissive and wanted to send her home. Eventually, her sister took her home, and she continued to manage her labor at home on her own. Tiffany had the urge to push as she entered her bathroom, and she pushed her son out over her toilet - 3 hours of leaving the hospital. Tiffany managed to wake her mother and call 911, and they were instructed to clear the baby's airway and tie off the umbilical cord. Tiffany and her son were picked up by the ambulance and went to a local emergency room. Aftercare had to be taken over by the first hospital. The hospital stated they were full and led her to yet another hospital. Tiffany suspects that the initial hospital was full, and that's why they sent her home. She only wished they had informed her of that then, as she had not planned to give birth at home, essentially by herself.

Planned home birth with medical support or an unassisted birth planned is not the same as unexpectedly delivering your first child at home. Tiffany and her son were neglected and left vulnerable to adverse birth outcomes. Tiffany is still working on healing through the traumatic birth of her child. The intrusive thoughts of her value in this world haunt her. Healing is not a linear process, and we are thankful for her share. We hope that her story reaches the ears of those working in birth spaces, and they are convicted to not only think about their practices but also do the work and realign with what birth work should be.

Home Birth, Unassisted, PostpartumLaurel GourrierJuly 29, 2021Unexpected Homebirth, Postpartum is Forever, Hospital Negligence, HealingComment

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