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128 | Mothering the Mother - Megana Dwarakanath

Megana knew that she wanted a family, and before meeting her husband, she had even considered taking on the role of parenting without a partner. But soon after moving to a new city, she met her husband; they fell in love and began discussing expanding their family. They both wanted to have two kids before Megana got a bit older and had planned to start trying to conceive after getting married. But their March 2020 wedding was canceled due to the beginnings of the COVID-19 pandemic, leading them to move forward with a small ceremony and begin trying to conceive in May.

As a healthcare worker (pediatrician), Megana was aware of the studies around birthing folks in her field having two times the rate of infertility than others. Many of her friends in residency with her had shared their struggles with infertility. With that in mind, she was emotionally prepared to have some struggles of her own with conceiving but was grateful that she was pregnant within three months of trying. The beginning of her pregnancy was layered with many parts. They were going to be moving cross country; she had lost both her grandparents, dealing with the pandemic and also working through the pandemic and didn't fully have care established where they were moving; Megana describes that time as "surreal."

Amongst her birth preparation, she was journaling, reading, and listening to positive birth stories and remained active, running up to her 39th week of pregnancy. Her due date came and went, making Megana uneasy as she knew she was losing time from her maternity leave. Her jobs maternity leave policy would give her 12 weeks, and she had already begun using some time waiting on the arrival of her baby. Taking that into consideration, Megana elected to support her progress with an induction. Induction included two doses of misoprostol, moving her quickly into intense labor. Reviewing all her options and managing the frequency and intensity of her contractions, which had started putting her baby in distress - Megana decided to have an epidural to provide them some rest and allow her body the space it needed to continue to progress. After about an hour and a half of pushing, her daughter was born. Megana did suffer from a 2nd/3rd-degree periclitoral and labial tear, which would impact her in ways she wasn't prepared for.

Within her great support village, Megana's sister would be the guiding light in helping her navigate all the new transitions. The reality of how debilitating her tear was, combined with the level of rest she needed and what maternity leave entailed for caring and bonding with her daughter Megana was falling into a postpartum anxiety/depression cycle. With the support of her sister, they established some concrete strategies to guide her through this time and enable her healing.

Megana's journey with an extremely short maternity leave due to the American Board of Pediatrics policies has led her to be a driving force for changing maternity leave policy. She wrote an oped that has changed policies in her department and has a postpartum group for other South Asian women to discuss some of the cultural misogyny and expectations they contend with. Check these essential resources out in the show notes.

91 | When A Mother's Pain Re-Births Her Calling - Natalie Nicole

Natalie Nicole joined us to share the birth story of her rainbow baby. After experiencing a miscarriage on New Year’s day of 2014, she was terrified of being pregnant again. So that June, when she found out she was pregnant, she was fearful about the same outcome. But in January 2015, her son was born, and answering her prayers and showing her strength.

During her 38 week appointment with her doctor, she had a cervical exam and learned, to her surprise, that she was nearly 10 cm dilated. Things moved quickly to get her settled in the delivery room. Natalie still had her bag of waters intact, and she received a pitocin drip as recommended by her provider to speed up labor. After laboring with pitocin, Natalie knew she wanted additional support by way of an epidural. Reflecting on her birth and the speed of it, Natalie found herself wishing she had more of a plan. She was receiving medication; she couldn’t recall why she was taking it or what it was called. Her family arrived in full force, and she began to feel uncomfortable as the room was crowded and overwhelming, which deterred her focus and ability from being calm. Her birth space had made what could have been a smoother process complicated by the use of forceps, suctioning, and an episiotomy.

One week into postpartum, Natalie found herself feeling depressed. She had limited support at home as her partner had to work, and her mother had been with her for the first week. Intrusive thoughts and breastfeeding challenges led to a lack of sleep and anxiety. She became suicidal and sought help. Natalie shared her feelings and thoughts with her partner and family. She began using antidepressants, but it wasn’t enough as the anxiety and highs and lows continued. Natalie was admitted to a mental health facility to protect herself. Listen on as Natalie shares her harrowing journey through postpartum depression, anxiety and how she was open to not just therapy but medication and continued support.

66 | Universal Language - Heather Gallagher

In thinking about what she wanted for her birth, she wanted it to be full of choices and led by her voice. For Heather, that meant a strong birth team of doulas and midwives, having a homebirth, and following her body and baby's lead. At about 45 weeks, after a walk under the full moon, Heather's water broke, and things began moving pretty fast. After laboring for about four to five hours, Heather was pushing, yet she would be stopped suddenly by her midwife, expressing to her that they would need to head to the hospital, making it clear that this was an emergency. Her son's head was stuck behind her pelvis and would need support from forceps for his arrival.

Heather's postpartum journey has had its hills and valleys. Dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety for about three and a half to four years, a diagnosis that she didn't get until her son was two and a half - " I knew I was in it, but I didn't know what it was, I just thought this was my new normal." While also working through her mental health, she was navigating her nursing journey. Due to the forceps, her son needed cranial sacral therapy to get his jaw back in alignment, impacting his beginning of nursing. But they were able to find their rhythm until he was about five and a half. A dance they worked through continuously figuring out what worked for them. All of this is a testament to her spectrum of life, an aspect that Heather takes into her work.

Heather considers herself a full spectrum photography - documenting all facets and stages of life, from the time you enter the world, through the life you lead, and upon your transition into death. Understanding the vulnerability and trust needed for capturing these experiences with authenticity, Heather's work is "extremely inclusive, empathetic and intimate" aspects that she also takes to support families as a full spectrum doula again honoring life and death. She is hoping that with her new project within Life's a Spectrum, she can unveil new parts for people about themselves. An ability to look at the layers of their life, the emotions they have carried, where they set their boundaries and limits, but most importantly, what's their center and where they always come back to.

59 | On Babies Time - Milan Sanders

Milan's pregnancy started during her last semester of college, which was a busy season of her life. She fearfully shared her news with her mother and was surprised that her mother was supportive, and it became an opportunity for them to bond. Her mother wanted to be present every step of the way, and it was in this space that her mother held space for her to make a significant decision within motherhood.

She prepared for birth with her partner by attending a childbirth education class, which they found helpful. She set in her mind to have an unmedicated birth after learning of the potential effects on her baby. When Milan finally went into labor, she contacted Labor & Delivery when her contractions/surges were 3-1-1 (3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for an hour). The nurse didn’t believe she was in labor and told her to stay home. She waited a few hours and went to the hospital when she could no longer speak during contractions/surges. When she arrived, she had not dilated, the doctor gave her morphine without her consent and sent her home. When she arrived back home, things shifted so quickly that an unplanned home birth became imminent. Milan’s experience is not unique as some women dilate quickly, and even more common is a provider not performing a proper cervical check. She spoke up and advocated for herself but still had challenges being heard. Milan encourages women to continue to speak up for themselves.

44 | Birthed From the Heart - Tara Clifton

Tara found out she was pregnant during her sophomore year of college and immediately was met with shame. Coming from a family that wasn't fond of her experience and attending a predominantly white Christian college, she spent most of her pregnancy in isolation, not talking about it and shutting herself into her dorm room.The dismissal of her journey also showed up during the birth of her daughter. Her doctor and nurses ignored her wishes and were forceful in their approach, resulting in Tara's explaining a traumatic birth experience.

Feeling a sense of loss from who she was before her baby, both physically and how she could live her life, Tara is clear that she suffered from postpartum depression. After an incident, Tara knew a change needed to happen. In a Facebook mother's group, she began sharing her story, finding that she wasn't alone in her experience and that others connected with her. She shared more, hoping that by doing so, others wouldn't go through the same thing, but she also found healing in sharing.

We leave every episode with lessons, and Tara's were;

"Don't allow your truth to be silenced because it makes other people uncomfortable." - Tara Clifton
The importance and value of community birth workers with similar lived experiences working under a lens of reproductive justice.

As we navigate the COVID-19 pandemic and the tighter lens of racism, the lessons learned from Tara's are even more important!

42 | When Home Birth Moves to Hospital - Dasia Gant

Dasia Gant was proudly serving in the military as her family was starting to grow. Dasia’s expectations of pregnancy challenged her as she was once a stellar athlete who had thought she would continue to be active and work out. But pregnancy took a toll on her body that she was not ready for, although watching herself grow was still a beautiful time for her family.

While a homebirth were her plans, shifts during her labor required a transfer to the hospital. Upon arrival, she began to feel like she was disconnecting and handing over the reins of her birth to the hospital staff. She requested an epidural to help relax her body and allow the physiologic process of birth to continue. The anesthesiologist started to insert the needle in her back, and she began to feel a hot and tingly sensation going down her back. This would go on six-eight times before her epidural was placed correctly. The experience would mark the shift in her labor that would have lasting physical and mental repercussions for Dasia. Her story is one of resilience, strength, and determination that we easily connect with those who choose to serve.

41 | Inner Strength - Kayla Lucas

Kayla Lucas shared her experiences with both of her sons, being diagnosed with hyperemesis, which made pregnancy physically challenging as she worked to stay healthy and maintain good nutrition and having un-planned inductions. While neither experience was what she expected, she describes them as helping her dig within herself to find a voice to advocate for herself, her strength and determination. Aspects she hopes to encourage others to use in their own birthing experiences.

Postpartum depression would mire her experience as a mother in the months after her birth. She sought support through therapy and was able to come out of it after becoming pregnant again. Kayla's grandmother helped her by acknowledging what her granddaughter was going through. She opened her home to her for respite during the day and watched her son during therapy sessions. Her family gave her time, space, and resources for a time to herself to help relieve anxiety. Kayla wants women to connect with themselves to build self-trust before pregnancy to help them be self-advocates in their care. Find your voice, speak up, and be heard.

36 | The Legacy of our Stories- Lavita Stokes

Do you know your birth story - do you know what your parent's experience was like bringing you forth into the world? For many, conversations about our own births occur once we are having our children, possibly much later than that. This episode was special in that our host's Laurel's mother, Lavita, shared her four birth stories. For Lavita, she expresses that all four of her pregnancies were healthy and straightforward and that, for the most part, her births were the same. Each of her labors was 6 hours long and each different in their regard.

Recounting her own birth stories and experiencing birth as a grandmother with her daughter Laurel, brought to the forefront the generational shifts that birth can provide. Knowledge of how our families experience pregnancy and birth strengthens generational bonds—a picture of how the world has changed around birth and how our families have changed as well.

32 | Navigating Motherhood Through The Lens of Postpartum Depression - Briara Lowery

After having her son, she expressed that physically she healed well, yet struggled healing mentally. When considering what postpartum might look like, she didn't think postpartum depression was something that would affect her. Looking at all the risk factors, in her mind, she didn't fit the mold. Her experience with postpartum depression required her to process her birth, examine how she was taking care of herself, and reflect on her expectations of what parenthood should look like. In doing that work, she acquired the tools to navigate that part of her postpartum journey.

Briara found power in telling her story and wanted to spread awareness while doing so. She founded Melanin Mommies, a Philadelphia based nonprofit and safe space for pregnant, new and seasoned mothers alike. Lowery noticed that the mothers in her community did not have as much access to resources as other mothers in more affluent areas, and so she decided to make a change. It is a space for mothers of color to connect, find healing, and discuss navigating the realities of motherhood.

29 | My Existence is Valid - Stephanie Mitchell CNM, MSN, DNP

For many of our guests, sharing their story on this platform is the first time they have processed out their experience. Sharing the parts of their story that they may have kept tucked away or didn't even realize had an impact on them. As we listen to Dr. Stephanie Mitchell CNM, MSN, DNP, reflect on her inaugural birth, we see how her birth set the tone for who she would be as a care provider.

Her own experiences of parenthood and working within the healthcare system highlighted the opportunity for change when we respect the connections made through storytelling. Dr. Mitchell supports her patients with the intent of guiding them to resources and information. As she put it, "not letting my office day define the information that I give." When we think about the care and our relationship with our care provider, we envision someone like Dr. Mitchell. Someone willing to go outside of the box. Finding the balance of mixing their own lived experience, training, and our lived experience within our care. That at the end of our time together, we know we were heard and seen!

21 | Birth is Art - Lauren Turner

It was a great learning experience to listen as Lauren shared how her nursing journey with her daughter helped her to heal from past traumas and especially during her postpartum. In times when she was struggling she would reflect and sit in that space with her daughter using that time to anchor herself from what she was feeling. While we emphasize how nursing can be vital for our children it can also be just as pivotal for the birthing person(s).

Beyond nursing, another avenue that Lauren has used to process and heal is through her art. Inspired by the births of her close friends, she felt moved to get back to her art. Using it as a vessel of storytelling and reflection for them. Lauren has always loved art, but now she’s found a new love for her craft as she's painting black women in the way she has always wanted to paint them!

16 | Healing - Erica Maddox

Erica was 19 when she had her daughter and while she wasn't necessarily sure how to prep she knew that no matter what she had to be in good space and mindset. Once her daughter made her arrival, Erica found herself struggling to navigate postpartum. A sentiment that many birthing parents can connect with. Breastfeeding was difficult, she was working through feelings of self-doubt and not being a good enough mother. While she was able to put on a face for everyone around her, internally, she knew something was wrong.

Erica is hoping that by being open about her experience and sharing her story, she's helping to normalize conversations of postpartum struggles.

Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierNovember 15, 2018Doula, Postpartum Depression, Teen Parent, HealingComment

15 | Age Ain't Nothing But A Number - Derrin Moore

If you are a birthing person at the age of 35 or older, you have probably heard the term advanced maternal age. In this episode, we meet Derrin Moore, 42-year-old mama, who didn't let this term or categorization determine how she created her family.

Being a gymnastic and circus instructor coach, she felt fit and kept working until she couldn't. She hired a doula and sought out additional support. Derrin's birth did not go exactly as she planned and that's ok, that's birth. From her story, we realize how impactful society's view on our expectations of our bodies can be. To all the cesarean birth parents, you, your body and your birth journeys are powerful!

13 | Dropping Expectations - Lara Alsoudani Weeks

While her pregnancy and birth were healthy and easy to navigate, postpartum required more of Lara. She fell easily into her routine before baby but soon realized that she was starting to feel the weight of this new transition. Lara sought out support from her midwife and realized that what she was experiencing was affecting not only her relationship with Alfredo but also her bond with her daughter Layla. Lara got serious about her journey with postpartum depression and acquired professional help. She notes that it's on ongoing, she still has flare-ups, yet the most important and valuable thing for her is recognizing the time when she needs extra support and honoring that!

Waterbirth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierJuly 22, 2018Postpartum Depression, MidwifeComment

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