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76 | A Journey Towards Healing: Motherhood After Loss - Alishia Anderson

This is a story about loss - In memory of Derek Jerrell Anderson Jr., aka DJ

Alishia Anderson shares that motherhood has stretched her in ways she didn't even know she could be stretched. That the lessons she has taken from her journey are that "motherhood is very unpredictable, and having living children is an underrated blessing!"

Her motherhood journey was turned upside down as within her first pregnancy at 28 weeks, during a routine ultrasound appointment, they discovered her son no longer had a heartbeat. Needing time to process, Alishia and her husband decided to move forward with induction for the next day. That evening they prepared to meet their son, researching what it meant to lose a baby this early, the name for their experience, and trying to gain some sense of what to expect. After three days of labor, she gave birth to her angel baby Derrek Jerrell Anderson Jr., aka DJ. The groundwork that a supportive nurse provided in helping her understand the reality of what postpartum would look like as a stillbirth survivor was something Alishia found to be fundamental in finding healing and also navigating becoming a parent again.

A year later, Alisha and her husband would add their rainbow baby Grayson to their family and their golden baby Gavin two and a half years after that. And each story bringing its twists and turns but embracing everything within them.

75 | When The Vagina Whisperer Gives Birth - Sara Reardon

Sara Reardon is a pelvic floor health therapist. A therapist that works with the muscles, nerves, and tissues in the pelvic region of the body, muscles we are using every day in many different ways. Working with individuals who came to her when they were experience issues or problems with their pelvic health, she wanted to do all she could to be on the preventive side. She hired a doula, surrounded herself with a care team that fully supported her vision for a low intervention, unmedicated birth, and educated herself on all her options. And at 38 and a half weeks, she was thrown into precipitous labor. Not being able to reach her doula, she relied on her husband to guide her through her comfort measures. Unbeknownst to them, she had dilated to 10 cm while at home, and upon arriving at the hospital and into a delivery room, her son was born 4 mins later.

Sara describes postpartum as being "harder than I ever expected." While her birth was amazing, she realized that centralized postpartum support was non-existent. She had questions about breastfeeding, tongue ties, bottle feeding, and navigating the unknowns of parenthood. There was never a direct line of where to get the support from, and what felt like always receiving another referral to someone who may or may not be able to help.

Sara and her husband eventually found their rhythm, but her experience also highlighted a lack of discussion around how important pelvic health was in that recovery. Her platform of the Vaginina Whisperer has shifted from just a social media account of pregnancy, postpartum, and pelvic health tips to family and friends to serve as a comprehensive resource focused on improving access to pelvic health physical therapy and education for individuals worldwide.

74 | Honoring Loss into Life - Marise Angibeau Gray

This is a story about loss - In memory of Carter, Stokely, and Ellison

When Marise and her husband found out they were pregnant with their first son, there was a sense of shock, but soon followed with overwhelming joy and excitement. In the early parts, Marise did experience spotting, a concern she brought to her care provider, who was pretty dismissive about it—contributing that it was normal and pretty common. Come 11 weeks, Marise had begun having cramping and her spotting, again she brought this to her doctor's attention, an ultrasound was done, and everything seemed to be okay. Yet as the week continued, things began to worsen, and by the end of the week, she was having a spontaneous miscarriage. Something she wasn't prepared for - her water breaking, having contractions and having her baby pass through her womb. After her loss, her life spun into survival mode.

These feelings of confusion, heartbreak, grief, and processing through healing would continue on a cycle - as, in the next two years, they would become pregnant twice more and lose two more sons.

When they found out they were pregnant with their fourth child they didn't want to put pressure on themselves and took the pregnancy day by day. A mantra Marise carried with her often, "I am a birth giver. I'm able to carry another life, no matter how short or how long." kept her grounded throughout the pregnancy. At 39 weeks, she elected to be induced, and her daughter Memphys was born amongst peace and calm. This is a story of healing, hope, and joy!

Loss, Hospital BirthLaurel GourrierOctober 29, 2020 Comment

73 | Reclaiming Birth to Heal - Taylor Huntley

Community Herbalist and Doula Taylor Huntley shared her two birth experiences that inspired her work and mission. Her provider started discussing induction at 37 weeks, and Taylor found herself agreeing after some bullying. An ominous voicemail from her provider after the cancellation of her induction led Taylor to fire her provider at term. She found a midwife to continue her prenatal care and refer her to a hospital with on-call CNMs. The stars aligned as Taylor arrived at the hospital at 42 weeks and was able to have the preferred midwife catch her baby. Taylor was thankful that she hired a doula to support her pregnancy and labor as she continued to have push back about her birth plan from the nurses at the hospital.

Taylor gathered herself and all of her knowledge as she embarked on her second pregnancy. She knew what she wanted and how to get it. A Black midwife supported this pregnancy, and it was a planned homebirth. Taylor didn’t have the support from her parents regarding homebirth, but she pushed forward because it was her desire. Their concerns were based on their personal health experiences. She successfully labor at home and delivered in her home with her partner and birth team.

Taylor found healing in her homebirth experience after having challenges in her first pregnancy. Her voice was heard and honored. Taylor’s births have led her to serve in a space for Black women through birthwork.

Hospital Birth, Home BirthLaurel GourrierOctober 27, 2020Black Doulas, Village Support, Generational Healing, Black MotherhoodComment

72 | Collective Resolve - Erica Butler

Erica Butler, founder, and Sex Educator for Happ E. SexTalk, an education consulting company focused on challenging the media and cultural messages pertaining to female sexuality, body image, and sexual pleasure – specifically the historically negative and hypersexualized images of Black female sexuality. Erica shared her birth story with us, discussed her work and its importance in reproductive health and justice.

She opened up about both of her pregnancies. The first pregnancy was without complications and only mild nausea but eventually led to an emergency surgical birth. Her personal connection to a local doula organization, ROOTT, allowed her and her husband to envision birth with a new lens during her second pregnancy. Despite her best plans and she was met with placenta previa that would lead to a scheduled surgical birth. The delivery went well, but the postpartum experience was met with low blood sugar levels, lactation issues, medical provider issues, and anxiety. Erica and her husband, David, leaned into their own strength and village for support to help them.

71 | Bed Rest Led to Her Therapy Work - Shenee Bend

Shenee is a counselor who focuses on serving pregnancy and postpartum women. Her second pregnancy was going well until her 32nd week presented with bleeding. The bleeding was unexplained, but she was treated to prevent a preterm birth. She was advised to stop working, but she pushed for less restrictive discharge orders as she believed she had a vascular cervix. Her providers suspected placental abruption as she found herself back at the hospital less than 24 hours later.

Shenee eventually agreed to stay at the hospital until her baby was born to keep them both safe. There was a period of surrender that led to a month-long hospital stay. This was followed by a feeling of body shame and grief for the pregnancy experience she had expected. Her husband and daughter would visit every other day and enhanced their bond during their time together. Shenee dug deep and started each day with intention and positive affirmations that would later inspire her counseling work. The low intervention birth plan had made some significant changes, but she managed to maintain some of her choices. Tune in to hear how her birth culminated and meet the new mother birthed in adversity.

70 | Life is Generous - Nicole Cole

After having a surgical birth with her first son, Nicole knew her second birth; she wanted her journey to look different. That started with finding a black midwife, a black doula, and birthing with a care team that would treat her under a holistic mindset, her needs and wants always being the lead. Yet, unexpected events of the world would cause Nicole to make some shifts. Soon after her state's shutdown due to COVID-19, the midwife practice she had been seeing indicated that they couldn't keep their doors open and their families would need to find a new practice.

A tip from her prenatal masseuse encouraged her to seek out doula support. There was an instant connection between her and Fatima, and in hearing Nicole's struggles to find a care team she trusted, she backed Nicole in reaching out to the GW midwifery group late in her pregnancy was worth trying. Nicole stayed her course, and things began moving into alignment. At 32 weeks, she began her care with GW, and the day before her son’s arrival she was introduced to Anayah Sangodele-Ayoka, CNM, a black midwife from the practice. The care from her felt so familiar, a connection not only for her health concerns but also to just who she was.

When her son's birth came around, she felt her birth team fully encouraging and cheering her on. Everything she had done to prep had come full circle to have a VBAC. She shares from her story for others moving through their journey, "set your intentions, believe it's going to happen, and don't be afraid to change."

69 | A Spectrum of Risks, A Spectrum of Love - Natasha Nelson

Tash joined us on the podcast to share the birth of her first daughter Paris. At 26 weeks, she began having Braxton hicks and, at 36 weeks, started having prodromal labor. As time continued to past, Tash consulted with their doula, and she and her husband focused on helping their baby girl earthside. She suggested positional changes, long walks, lunges, movement, and all the twerking. Labor began progressing, arriving at the hospital, Tash stayed in alignment with her birth vision. With a good twerk playlist, hip squeezes, counter pressure from her husband, and the support of her birth team, Paris was born.

Motherhood for Tash has required her to work through postpartum depression, discover a new Tash, and adjust to the highs and lows of supporting children diagnosed with Autism and also a potential diagnosis for herself. Tash is adamant that she is always true about her motherhood journey. Especially as a mother of two neurodiverse black girls, she wants to ensure that other mothers, especially those with a similar story, have an honest representation of what their journey may look like.

68 | Claris Health - Talitha Phillips

Talitha Phillips, CEO of Claris Health, joined us to share their origin story, mission, and ongoing work. Claris Health is a nonprofit organization in Los Angeles, California, that focuses on providing no/low-cost medical services for families focusing on perinatal care.

Talitha shared her experience balancing being a birth and postpartum doula and leading Claris Health as the CEO. She was first introduced to Claris Health as a patient after a pregnancy loss. The care and attention given to her led her to want to work for the organization and support women’s health. Their comprehensive services list includes prenatal care, mental health services, volunteer doulas, pregnancy loss support, adoption support, and a newly added mobile health clinic. They focus on information gathering and helping clients determine what they need when they arrive for their first appointment going beyond a pregnancy test. The conversation centers on the unique needs of each individual when they walk into the space.

Community HighlightsLaurel GourrierOctober 1, 2020Reproductive Justice, Claris Health

67 | A Mother Who Meditates - Kristen Hanna

Kristen felt moved to share her birth story with BSIC as she felt it uniquely provided a space for women of color to be open and raw. Kristen became aware of her first pregnancy while traveling in Northern Africa. She managed to acquire prenatal care there, despite language barriers. Eventually, she transitioned back to the states still within the pregnancy and decided to hire a midwife for a home birth due to her late gestational age. Kristen’s view of pregnancy as being an expansive experience helped her take on the challenges of pregnancy. She maintained her regular routine and interests, which helped her later invite her new baby into their family. When her Labor Day arrived, she found herself being called to task about her own beliefs in meditation and the power of the mind.

Her daughter’s birth led her to start Blissful Birth Yoga, focusing her practice on prenatal support. She uses her personal experience and skills to support women and birthing people for the physical, mental, and emotional portions of labor. Kristen and her partner found themselves expecting another child and are preparing by letting the pregnancy flow, knowing that anything could change along the way. We look forward to part two of Kristen’s journey through motherhood after her son arrives.

Home Birth, COVID-19, PostpartumLaurel GourrierSeptember 24, 2020Meditation, Mindfulness, Prenatal Yoga, Pregnancy Meditation, Postpartum Mental HealthComment

66 | Universal Language - Heather Gallagher

In thinking about what she wanted for her birth, she wanted it to be full of choices and led by her voice. For Heather, that meant a strong birth team of doulas and midwives, having a homebirth, and following her body and baby's lead. At about 45 weeks, after a walk under the full moon, Heather's water broke, and things began moving pretty fast. After laboring for about four to five hours, Heather was pushing, yet she would be stopped suddenly by her midwife, expressing to her that they would need to head to the hospital, making it clear that this was an emergency. Her son's head was stuck behind her pelvis and would need support from forceps for his arrival.

Heather's postpartum journey has had its hills and valleys. Dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety for about three and a half to four years, a diagnosis that she didn't get until her son was two and a half - " I knew I was in it, but I didn't know what it was, I just thought this was my new normal." While also working through her mental health, she was navigating her nursing journey. Due to the forceps, her son needed cranial sacral therapy to get his jaw back in alignment, impacting his beginning of nursing. But they were able to find their rhythm until he was about five and a half. A dance they worked through continuously figuring out what worked for them. All of this is a testament to her spectrum of life, an aspect that Heather takes into her work.

Heather considers herself a full spectrum photography - documenting all facets and stages of life, from the time you enter the world, through the life you lead, and upon your transition into death. Understanding the vulnerability and trust needed for capturing these experiences with authenticity, Heather's work is "extremely inclusive, empathetic and intimate" aspects that she also takes to support families as a full spectrum doula again honoring life and death. She is hoping that with her new project within Life's a Spectrum, she can unveil new parts for people about themselves. An ability to look at the layers of their life, the emotions they have carried, where they set their boundaries and limits, but most importantly, what's their center and where they always come back to.

65 | Two C-Sections, Two Sons, One Mom in Progress - Gelise Littlejohn Thomas

After a perfect first pregnancy, Gelise discovered she was experiencing preeclampsia symptoms that led to an emergency surgical birth. She was never given the diagnosis, but complications during the induction process led her down the road to a surgical birth. The second pregnancy started with Gelise accepting that anything could happen during pregnancy. She had learned from the first experience that birth was unpredictable. She attempted a VBAC that led to another surgical birth.

Gelise’s postpartum period with both of her pregnancies included a beautiful journey with breastfeeding and bonding. She shares her extended nursing periods and the lasting impacts with us. Listen in for a story about overcoming expectations and moving forward with what you can control.

Hospital Birth, Cesarean BirthLaurel GourrierSeptember 17, 2020Surgical Birth, Extended Breastfeeding/ChestfeedingComment

64 | Sudden Change - Chelsie Washington

A couple of days after her estimated due date, Chelsie went into spontaneous labor - arriving at the hospital dilated to two centimeters. However, due to her membranes' length of time being ruptured and not dilating further, Chelsie and her husband decided the safest option was to bring their son, Wade, earthside via a c-section. Chelsie attributes that decision as her first big parenting decision, and as they navigated the first month of their son's life, she and her husband would soon need to make another big decision.

Chelsie had been noticing Wade was always eating. Beyond the regular cluster feeding, this observation and an irregular breathing pattern that her mother in law had picked up on were a nudge for her to bring their pediatrician aware. While he had been doing well during all his regular checkups, their pediatrician did find a slight heart murmur and referred them to a specialist to see at a later date during a follow-up appointment. Yet again, following the encouragement of her mother in law, they decided to fast track his care. They went into Children's Hospital for in-depth testing; assessments during their visit provided them with a diagnosis that their son had a heart defect - aortic coarctation. If receiving care was prolonged, he would go into organ failure. Without an extended amount of time to consider the news, Chelsie and her husband found themselves preparing Wade for heart surgery.

Wade is currently thriving; beyond the scar from his surgery, you wouldn't even know the extent of his journey - the extent of their journey as a family. Sharing her birth, her postpartum healing, and the role of her village support Chelsie reminds all us, parents, that while our children are meeting their milestones, we are as well. Growing and changing alongside them, and even in that growth's roughest patches, things always get better.

Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierSeptember 10, 2020Comment

63 | Conquering the Fear of Birth - Jessica Johnson

Jessica shared her empowering VBAC birth experience after having a surgical twin birth. She and her husband decided to enlist the support of a doula for the third pregnancy. They reached out to a local organization, ROOTT, to hire a Black Perinatal Support Doula - who would be knowledgeable about the unique needs of Black women and families in birthing spaces and help her navigate her desire to have a VBAC. Their doula helped them go back and better understand how things shifted and how they could make this birth different. She also supported her in understanding her nutritional needs better to reduce preterm birth, decrease the chances of hemorrhaging, and later naturally induce her labor once she was term.

The third delivery was different in that Jessica was informed of all of her options and could choose what felt right for her at the time. Her doula met her at home as her labor progressed and helped her with positional changes to help the baby come down. After laboring through her typical day as long as she could, she finally arrived at the hospital and was 7cm (active labor). The doctor arrived when her baby was crowning and requested that she turn around to deliver her baby. She refused and continued to push her baby out in an upright position on her bed; he adjusted to her desire. Jessica had accomplished her VBAC without an epidural with the support of her birth team! After all of her birthing experiences, Jessica deemed herself a "Birthing Expert," and we whole-heartedly agree.

62 | Your Community Midwife - Nikki Helms

Nikki Helms has supported families as either a doula or midwife for over 15 years. Answering the call of family-centered care has led her down the path of wanting to own and open a free-standing birth center in Clairemont, California. Centralized care within the community and directly for the community. While it will be a space of inclusive reproductive health focus, she also envisions it as a community hub. A space offering education, resources, mental health support, donation-based services, and collective support for anything you might need in a particular season of your life — a space full of abundance and accessibility.

61 | Blooming Mamas Wellness - Bianca Marie

With a relatively easy pregnancy, six weeks before her EDD, she didn't automatically think the cramping she was feeling, and an abnormal gush of water was her being in labor. Throughout the next couple of days, she went about her routine but did schedule an appointment with her OB to ensure all was well. Her doctor instructed her that her day would be taking a turn during her visit, and it was best she head to the hospital. At the hospital, Bianca and her husband were shocked to find that not only did her water break at some point, and she was 5cm dilated.

Throughout the day, they found the staff supportive and receptive to her fiance being a strong advocate for Bianca. It wasn't until the shift change, and when they decided to move forward with an Epidural, that care began to shift. Bianca and her fiance started feeling rushed by the nurses, and a lack of attention to details. During the placement of her epidural, the tech created a chaotic situation. That not only caused stress and fear for Bianca and her fiance but was overly dismissive of the harm they caused and the effects that had for the rest of Bianca's birth.

Her story is a reminder of the sacredness of birth. That those who have the honor to be a part of that space treat it with respect it deserves. No matter how many births as birth workers, support systems, and care providers we have attended or supported, each one is new for each family. It is a privilege to hold space for them because your birth is an experience you carry for a lifetime!

60 | The Power of Trust - Nicole Bailey

When submitting her story, Nicole was concerned that she wouldn't have "enough" to share. That her story would be unrelatable to others, but of course, that's not the case! Nicole had been apprehensive about being a parent and knew from the beginning that she would need to prepare herself not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually. Prep began with creating a birthing team that could support her fully. She immersed herself in birth videos and birth. She continued with her active lifestyle and took extra precaution and care by seeing a Chiropracter to ensure her body and baby were in alignment. Nicole also relied heavily on affirmations, whenever fear or distractions would come up she would affirm aloud that her baby knew what to do, she knew what to do, and they both were going to be able to do this together.

Labor began on Mother's day - and the word that arose for Nicole in describing her story was "surreal." Throughout, there was a deep connection to what her baby needed. Almost like a pull, "I felt like I was somewhere trying to retrieve my baby." After laboring at home for 10 hours, she felt an intense urge that her baby was ready to come and arrived at the hospital at 9 cm dilated. Nicole would stay tapped into her connectedness and intuition until her baby was earthside in 3 pushes.

59 | On Babies Time - Milan Sanders

Milan's pregnancy started during her last semester of college, which was a busy season of her life. She fearfully shared her news with her mother and was surprised that her mother was supportive, and it became an opportunity for them to bond. Her mother wanted to be present every step of the way, and it was in this space that her mother held space for her to make a significant decision within motherhood.

She prepared for birth with her partner by attending a childbirth education class, which they found helpful. She set in her mind to have an unmedicated birth after learning of the potential effects on her baby. When Milan finally went into labor, she contacted Labor & Delivery when her contractions/surges were 3-1-1 (3 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for an hour). The nurse didn’t believe she was in labor and told her to stay home. She waited a few hours and went to the hospital when she could no longer speak during contractions/surges. When she arrived, she had not dilated, the doctor gave her morphine without her consent and sent her home. When she arrived back home, things shifted so quickly that an unplanned home birth became imminent. Milan’s experience is not unique as some women dilate quickly, and even more common is a provider not performing a proper cervical check. She spoke up and advocated for herself but still had challenges being heard. Milan encourages women to continue to speak up for themselves.

58 | Story of Malachi: Living Through Loss - Crystall Boatwright

This is a story about loss - In memory of Malachi Cayden Boatwright

Crystall was 28 weeks before she found out she was pregnant. and there were some daunting concerns about the baby's health. They spent the rest of the day through testing and trying to process all the information. Malachi was born 7lbs, eyes bright and open taking in his parents. After some time in NICU, he transitioned with his father rocking and singing to him. Crystall is honest that it was tough and painful to try and go back to what was. As she put it, how do you explain to people what you went through and what you're going through - "There is no baby in me and no baby in my arms."

Crystall attributes that the place she is currently on her journey is due to finding community and other families that had walked in her shoes. Others allowed her to share her truth, all parts of it without question, and with lots of love. There is healing in community, there is support in community, and there is always space in community - in whatever capacity you may need it.

57 | The Body Holds the Score - Alicia & Solomon Tetteh

When they went in for the birth of their twins, Alicia and Solomon did not expect it to be three days - three days filled with all the emotions. As they worked through multiple induction methods, a failed epidural, and a lengthy pushing time, Solomon could feel in his spirit that something was off. In discussions with the doctor on the third day, Solomon's suspicions were confirmed as the doctor indicated the trajectory they were on was unsafe. A surgical birth would be the best option for Alicia and the twins.

Healing from their experience didn't happen immediately and took community support. Alicia and Solomon tapped into their families, supported each other through individual and couples therapy. And maintaining the foundation, they had created of always checking in with each other and speaking on their feelings. As we learned during Black Maternal Health Week, statistics show that up to 20 percent of birthing parents develop a perinatal mental health illness, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or psychosis, either during pregnancy or the year after giving birth and sometimes beyond. For black birthing parents, that risk is doubled. With Alicia and Solomon's story, we also hear the impact and ways mental health can have on partners. As we prepare to grow our families, we must also remember that it's not just about the physical shifts but also the mental.

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