74 | Honoring Loss into Life - Marise Angibeau Gray

This is a story about loss - In memory of Carter, Stokely, and Ellison

Marise Angibeau Gray shared with us her journey of birthing her three angel babies and her daughter Memphis. A story she hopes can be instrumental in helping other people navigate their own. 

When Marise and her husband found out they were pregnant with their first son, there was a sense of shock, but soon followed with overwhelming joy and excitement. In the early parts, Marise did experience spotting, a concern she brought to her care provider, who was pretty dismissive about it—contributing that it was normal and pretty common. Come 11 weeks, Marise had begun having cramping and her spotting, again she brought this to her doctor's attention, an ultrasound was done, and everything seemed to be okay. Yet as the week continued, things began to worsen, and by the end of the week, she was having a spontaneous miscarriage. Something she wasn't prepared for - her water breaking, having contractions and having her baby pass through her womb. After her loss, her life spun into survival mode.

These feelings of confusion, heartbreak, grief, and processing through healing would continue on a cycle - as, in the next two years, they would become pregnant twice more and lose two more sons. 

Marise and her husband found strength in each other and their village. She also extended her support system and began meeting with a therapist and monthly support group. And when they found out they were pregnant again, they didn't want to put pressure on themselves and took the pregnancy day by day. A mantra Marise carried with her often, "I am a birth giver. I'm able to carry another life, no matter how short or how long." kept her grounded throughout the pregnancy. At 39 weeks, she elected to be induced, and her daughter Memphys was born amongst peace and calm. This is a story of healing, hope, and joy! 

Resources:

Irth App | "Yelp-like" review & rating app for hospitals & physicians made by and for Black women & birthing people of color

Sisters in Loss | digital media platform dedicated to replacing silence with storytelling around pregnancy and infant loss and infertility of black women

Still Birthday | bereavement doulas and resources

Star Legacy Foundation | stillbirth prevention and research

Far As The Curse Is Found | searching for God in infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth by Abigail Waldron

The First 40 Days | postpartum preparation and support book by Heng Ou

The Fourth Trimester | a postpartum guide to healing your body, balancing your emotions, and restoring your vitality by Kimberly Ann Johnson