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When Rana found out she was pregnant with her son, there was a sense of apprehension and excitement. After her miscarriage in 2016 and navigating her feelings of loss, she had been scared to try again. Yet even with that, she knew she wanted a birth team she could trust and feel safe with, allowing this pregnancy to be filled with joy.

With labor beginning at 40 weeks and two days, Rana worked through the early stages in the company of her community. She would struggle with her anxiety of if she was making progress. Her midwife encouraged her to reach out to her doula to help keep her mind at ease and provide support. After a day or and a half of on and off labor, they decided to head into the hospital.

Her birth plans would shift a bit as she would need to support her labor with Pitocin, but Rana expressed that even in the most intense parts, she knew she would need to succumb to the experience. Hitting transition - she felt uplifted by the ancestors and focused on bringing her son earthside. As she began pushing, Rana was exhausted but even more determined, and after 20 minutes of pushing, her son was born. As he was placed on her chest, she felt happy and an immense amount of pride in herself.

Hospital Birth, COVID-19Laurel GourrierJune 10, 2021Comment

106 | A Peaceful Surprise - Shay & Joshua

An unexpectedly easy pregnancy led Shay and Joshua through a journey of exploration and intention setting that would create a backdrop for a pregnancy and birthing experience that would be become a love letter for their daughter.

Shay and Joshua chose to announce their pregnancy to a few select people. They managed to keep their happy secret despite Shay's work on social media that often finds her sharing much of her personal life. Their journey to parenthood was marked by detailed preparations that included observing other families, nutrition planning, hiring a doula and midwife, and taking deep dives into researching what felt right for them.

Their family learned that all of the best intentions could not stop a global pandemic from shifting aspects of their birth plan, like having a doula present in the hospital. But they were already determined to focus on the "controllables," as Shay coined it. They managed to labor at the hospital but shifted to surgical birth. Since giving birth, Shay has become more aware of her own needs and openly communicates with Joshua. She has been able to lean into his care and ask for it when needed. Communication has been the key to managing their new parenthood journey.

COVID-19, Cesarean Birth, Hospital BirthLaurel GourrierMay 31, 2021Black Maternal Health, Surgical Birth, COVID-19Comment

105 | Finding Balance - Hiwote Bekele

May is Maternal Mental Health Month. When we finished recording Hiwote's story and sitting in processing with her, we knew her story aligned with the awareness this month brings forth. Hiwote's story carries the heavy parts that we often hear of - the weight of being a Black birthing person, navigating a medical system that isn't designed to support us. There is birth trauma in this story.

Sharing on BSiC was the first time Hiwote would be reflecting on her experience aloud. Her story highlights the disparities of the Black and Immigrant community - how our experiences are not monolithic but often intertwined. The lack of research for treating mental health within the immigrant community. And how impactful our cultural practices and traditions can be to our healing and mental health.

Birth is sacred, and our birth stories live with us forever embedded in our very being. In finding the BSiC space, Hiwote was ready to release this part of her journey. What she received at the end of sharing was the beginning of healing—being able to start a new as she and her husband expand their family once again.

104 | Choosing Joy - Dadriaunna Hayes

Dae joined us to share her beautifully intertwined birth stories of loss and joy reclaimed. She experienced the unexpected loss of her first child during the early part of her third trimester. She began a healing journey that included therapy, where she started journaling. The process proved therapeutic and taught her how to make space for herself and rebuild her trust in God.

Dae worked through the waves of grief and discovered she was pregnant again; this time, it was during a pandemic. She gathered her team, created an active morning routine, and simply chose to enjoy the pregnancy. They planned for a birth at home and put in the work to make it happen by hiring a midwife and doula. After managing through over 20 hours of labor, they decided to transition to the hospital. She continued to labor without progressing and found herself at peace at how birth would unfold and welcomed her son via surgical birth.

Dae has adopted a belief of motherhood as a joyous experience. She has developed a community online that has centered the scripture referencing beauty for ashes. She is now holding space for women who have experienced some form of loss and want to exchange that grief for a new experience of joy and beauty.

103 | Extending Grace - Ashly White

Ashly was 18 years old when she was pregnant and birthed her first child. Reflecting, she expresses that she didn't know much, either about the preparation or what her experience could be like. Ashly and her partner flowed through, just trying to figure it all out. Her birth would include many shifts, and one that she felt lost in was bringing her baby earthside with a surgical birth.

When she began expanding her family again, she knew she wanted and deserved a different story. The moment she and her husband found out they were expecting, she began building her birth team - this included a doula from a local organization ROOTT and a black OB. The three of them worked together and filled in the gaps for each other when one couldn't hold a particular space for her. The support from her birth team surrounded her in not only care but also her whole family, allowing them to support Ashly in having the VBACs she had envisioned.

Throughout her journey, Ashly had to learn to extend grace to herself. In the moments that seemed out of her control, but especially in the moments that made her feel whole, and in each new stage of postpartum, she knows that has to be at the core - working on who she is outside of her kids, sharing " If I'm not whole, then what I'm giving them isn't the best of me." This being the part of her journey requiring the most grace.

Hospital Birth, VBAC, PostpartumLaurel GourrierMay 13, 2021VBAC, ROOTT Doulas, Black OBGYN, Black Families Matter, Black DoulasComment

102 | Affirming Black Motherhood - Shanicia Boswell

Shanicia Boswell, a self-proclaimed serial entrepreneur, reflected on the birth of her daughter. She recalls feeling like getting pregnant at 22 was like getting pregnant in high school. Her friends were busy continuing their education and traveling. She remembered not feeling accepted or treated well due to being young, Black, and unmarried. She knew that she wanted an unmedicated water birth and discovered that her hospital did not offer that opportunity. Shanicia boldly changed providers at 28 weeks gestation to match her personal birth preferences. When labor ensued, Shanicia found herself in awe of the birthing process and the wonder of her own body. She safely rode the wave, and her labor produced a beautiful baby girl without complications. As postpartum began, Shanicia’s mother stepped in to provide in-home support and helped with the transition. She experienced the “baby blues” as her body and mind had to reconnect and take on a new life.

Shanicia has channeled her pregnancy and parenting experiences from the lens of a Black woman into a career. Her latest project is a pregnancy book, Oh Sis, You’re Pregnant: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and Motherhood, that flows through all of the ways we can prepare our minds and bodies for childbirth and the forever postpartum period. There are African birth traditions, detailed health concerns that tend to affect Black bodies more frequently, space for Black women to see themselves, and there is joy - a joy that fits the occasion of the blessing of a new life.

99 | Birthing Their Light - Tauri & Sarah Hayter

In expanding their family, Tauri and Sarah found that Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) was the route that felt best. And after finding out they were pregnant, being the planner she is - Tauri began preparing for their birth vision.

They wouldn't have even known they needed to prepare for dealing with pregnancy and birth during the COVID-19 pandemic. After the 20 week scan, Tauri and Sarah would soon find they would be experiencing their pregnancy amongst just the two of them. Coming to the end of her pregnancy, Tauri was trying all the techniques to get labor started. After a night of nothing happening with castor oil, Tauri found herself a bit restless. Feeling a shift, she went to the bathroom and experienced a movie-style breaking of her waters. She shared the news with Sarah and went back to sleep.

Into the next day, there wasn't much change, and after 12 hours, Tauri and Sarah headed to the hospital. With the support of Pitocin, contractions began coming intense and fast. Working through the night and into the early morning, Tauri started to feel a new intensity. When her midwife arrived, her body had already begun pushing, her baby already crowning. And following her lead, pushing when she felt ready, Sarah caught their baby, placing her on Tauri's chest with all her "cheesy vernix" goodness.

Hospital Birth, COVID-19Laurel GourrierApril 21, 2021Midwifery Care, IUI, COVID-19, LGBTQIA+Comment

95 | Just the Two of Us - Jordan Duckens & Rufus Ferguson

For Jordan and Rufus, knew they wanted to spend the first year of their marriage focused on just the two of them. And by year two, they were ready to expand their family, but as time moved throughout that year and they were still not pregnant, they began getting a bit concerned that maybe something was wrong. After a visit with their doctor and receiving the news that nothing seemed to be wrong, Jordan made a call to her mother-in-law, who had had a similar experience. She was able to express her concerns and fears. Her mother-in-law holding space for her at that moment, reassuring her that she would get pregnant when it needed to happen, and the following month that assurance came to fruition.

Two days after her estimated due date, Jordan started feeling contractions and immediately about five minutes apart. Wanting to labor at home as long as possible, she found relief in the tub. And as things intensified, Rufus encouraged her that it may be time for them to head to the hospital. When she arrived, she found out that she was four centimeters dilated. Rufus and Jordan felt very supported in the hospital, and when labor slowed down at nine and a half centimeters, her birth team encouraged many positional changes to help her daughter make her way. And after 15 minutes of pushing, she arrived earthside, with Rufus catching the perfect photo and her extended family watching via Facetime.

Rufus expressed that one area he wasn't prepared for was the transition of postpartum, which was made more challenging with the restrictions of COVID. They couldn't fully tap into their community; being in sync with each other throughout it all continues to help them find and share in the joyful moments.

92 | Better Than I Planned - Ashley Shepard

Knowing her mother's birth stories - all of her children's birth from start to finish being 4 hours, Ashley envisioned she would have a similar experience. So when her water broke three days after her estimated due date, she arrived at the hospital ready for the journey to be swift. Settling into the hospital at 9 am, Ashley was 2cm dilated, and by the afternoon, was told had progressed to 8cm. To her surprise, once her doctor arrived and did a cervical exam, she expressed that Ashley was only 5cm. Ashley was, of course, disappointed but knew that she had to stay in a serene and positive mindset. As she labored through the day and progression remained in the same spot, Ashley, her husband, and birth team tried many options, finally deciding that her son's arrival would be a surgical birth.

Leaving the hospital and returning home was tough; Ashley was managing her physical healing from a surgery she hadn't expected, working through nursing challenges and also the mental toll of this new transition. Creating with food had always been an outlet for Ashley; during her pregnancy, she prepared ready-made meals for postpartum that would be easy for her and her husband to make—having food in this way assisted with her body recovery and recovery mentally. But even with that, Ashley felt like she wasn't allowing a release for her thoughts or feelings from having postpartum anxiety and baby blues. Not finding what she needed, she decided to create a guided journal. A space that she could communicate her feelings with no pressure or judgments. A safe space serving as self-care, a reminder that as a birthing parent, "you are important.." and all parts of you "have a space in your baby's life."

91 | When A Mother's Pain Re-Births Her Calling - Natalie Nicole

Natalie Nicole joined us to share the birth story of her rainbow baby. After experiencing a miscarriage on New Year’s day of 2014, she was terrified of being pregnant again. So that June, when she found out she was pregnant, she was fearful about the same outcome. But in January 2015, her son was born, and answering her prayers and showing her strength.

During her 38 week appointment with her doctor, she had a cervical exam and learned, to her surprise, that she was nearly 10 cm dilated. Things moved quickly to get her settled in the delivery room. Natalie still had her bag of waters intact, and she received a pitocin drip as recommended by her provider to speed up labor. After laboring with pitocin, Natalie knew she wanted additional support by way of an epidural. Reflecting on her birth and the speed of it, Natalie found herself wishing she had more of a plan. She was receiving medication; she couldn’t recall why she was taking it or what it was called. Her family arrived in full force, and she began to feel uncomfortable as the room was crowded and overwhelming, which deterred her focus and ability from being calm. Her birth space had made what could have been a smoother process complicated by the use of forceps, suctioning, and an episiotomy.

One week into postpartum, Natalie found herself feeling depressed. She had limited support at home as her partner had to work, and her mother had been with her for the first week. Intrusive thoughts and breastfeeding challenges led to a lack of sleep and anxiety. She became suicidal and sought help. Natalie shared her feelings and thoughts with her partner and family. She began using antidepressants, but it wasn’t enough as the anxiety and highs and lows continued. Natalie was admitted to a mental health facility to protect herself. Listen on as Natalie shares her harrowing journey through postpartum depression, anxiety and how she was open to not just therapy but medication and continued support.

90 | Holding On, Tapping In - LC Johnson

For LC and her husband, Sheldon, becoming pregnant with their daughter was something they were ready for and had planned. In the moments of confirming their pregnancy, they would also find out that a dear friend had passed away. As LC expressed, this would set her pregnancy's tone, a constant teetering of joy and grief. In the months coming, LC would also lose her grandmother and another close friend - on the day of her daughter's birth. And while she was moving through the physical parts of her journey with ease, the emotional part would be challenging.

LC knew that she wanted a doula again, but this time it had to be a black doula. LC connected with ROOTT. As she moved through her pregnancy, the relationships she had with her doulas opened space for honest conversations - LC was grieving, causing her to be disconnected from the pregnancy and shying from actually receiving the support she needed. Along with therapy, her husband, and the support from ROOTT, she was able to "feel grounded in the pregnancy even if it wasn't exciting."

Due to some concerns of intrauterine growth restriction, LC was induced at 40 weeks. Reflecting on her son's birth, she had prepped herself and her support team that things would move slow and she would be having her baby the next day. But things progressed differently this time around even though she was convinced that she was not in labor - her body and baby telling a different story. The feelings of anxiety and fear left LC in denial, and while she may not have been ready for her daughter to come, Karah was. As LC puts it, "she birthed herself."

Hospital Birth, COVID-19Laurel GourrierFebruary 11, 2021Comment

89 | Bringing Birth Back Home - Najla Muhammad Jaaber

Najla Muhammad joins us to share her controversial birth story set in a foreign land with laws in place that didn’t fit her birth vision. She had experienced birth in a hospital with her previous pregnancies but always wanted to birth at home. Now she decided to not only birth at home but that she also wanted to have an unassisted birth. She and her husband were in agreement with each other and sought to create a space in their home to fit that choice. They were living abroad in Egypt, where home births are considered illegal. They explored the option of having some prenatal care and the possibility of a midwife and doula attending as a precaution.

Najla was moved to stick to her convictions and honor her knowledge, intuition, and spiritual direction. Her birth unfolded and revealed more of who she knew she was. Najla continues to honor this practice of self-direction in pregnancy and birth through Maryam’s Womb - providing holistic birth support and womb health education for women and teens.

Home Birth, Hospital Birth, UnassistedLaurel GourrierFebruary 4, 2021Comment

88 | Joy & Sorrow Can Occupy the Same Space - Dani Kilgore

This is a story that includes loss - In memory of William Jr.

Dani describes her story as a faith journey to motherhood - a journey that has included pain, joy but also lots of hope. In 2010, a year into their marriage Dani and her husband found out they were pregnant. Yet early into this pregnancy, they would experience a miscarriage. Processing through that, they decided to wait before trying again, and three years later, Dani was pregnant. They found out it was a boy and knew they wanted to name him William Jr. after her husband. But at 28 weeks, September 2013, her placenta would stop working, and William Jr. was born. But William's time earthside would be short, and after a hard fight, he would pass that November.

The passing of their son was extremely difficult for them. Working through their grief, they leaned into their family, friends, and support through therapy. During this time, they were connected with the March of Dimes. For Dani, March of Dimes provider her with the hope she needed. Connecting with other families with the same shared experience allowed them all to know they were not navigating this alone. Participating in the March of Dimes walk allows her and her husband to honor their son and the children they never met.

This support and hope carried them through another miscarriage in 2014 and then becoming pregnant with their daughter Harper in 2015. Understanding her health history, Dani and her husband decided with their care team to have a surgical birth with Harper at 35 weeks. As a result of being born premature, she was diagnosed with Sensorineural hearing loss (SNHL) - where audio fibers in her ear either didn't develop or did and died. Because of that, she does wear bilateral hearing aids. But as Dani described beyond that, "she is doing well" and a "sign that miracles can happen!"

Hospital Birth, NICU, LossLaurel GourrierJanuary 28, 2021Comment

87 | A Mother's Work - Oriel McKinney

Oriel started her pregnancy as being relatively normal and without issues. Her and her husband prepared by taking all of the new parent classes with excitement and curiosity. Her story took an abrupt shift when her blood pressure started increasing, and she found herself being treated with medication and was not aware of the cause.

The issues with high blood pressure found her needing additional advocacy by her mother, an experienced nurse. Her mother refused to allow her daughter’s health issues to be brushed off or delayed treatment. She shared how her treatment shifted as her language matched those of the medical field. She was admitted to the hospital for further monitoring, which led to an emergency surgical birth at 33 weeks, as her baby didn’t pass the assessments.

Oriel had a feeling of Deja Vu as she carried her second child. Things were going well, and she treated herself to a maternity shoot as she surpassed the 33-week mark. However, she was met with more blood pressure challenges and needed to deliver her daughter just short of being full term at 36 weeks.

Challenges with preeclampsia marked both pregnancies and influenced some postpartum life changes that have led the way for a healthier life for Oriel. She shared her journey as a NICU parent and how she never paused for her healing, as is common for parents with special needs children. Now Oriel stands by scheduling time for herself and has the support of her partner to honor it. Listen in for a story about the incredible power of advocacy and resilience.

Hospital Birth, Cesarean Birth, NICULaurel GourrierJanuary 21, 2021NiCU Families, Birth Advocacy, Surgical BirthComment

86 | Leaning Inward - Destiny Benson

When Destiny found out she was pregnant with her second son, she expressed initially being in a place of denial. While she had always wanted a second child, feelings of hesitation began to arise as the age gap between her first and second was more extensive than she wanted and there was also being nervous about how she would be as a mother of two. But, being able to lean into her ROOTT doulas and husband allowed her to ensure that even within the doubt, she was taking care of herself and understood that she had within herself everything she needed for this birth and transition.

At 37 weeks, due to pre-eclampsia symptoms, she needed to be induced. Destiny would need to tap into that part of herself. After some time to re-center and regroup from this unexpected turn, Destiny knew moving through the induction, she wanted to take her time, introducing medical interventions very slowly and always starting at the lowest dosage available. Doing this gave her the space to work through challenging and tiring labor. To make the call to get an epidural because she knew she needed to allow both the mental and physical parts of herself to relax. And when it was time to push, she knew, and delivered her baby in a position that felt most comfortable for her, caught him and her hands were the first to lay him on her chest.

Hospital BirthLaurel GourrierJanuary 14, 2021Preeclampsia, Black Families Matter, Black Doulas, InductionComment

85 |There is Always Room for Healing - Anese Barnett

When Anese and her husband found out they were pregnant, it was not only a surprise but extremely exciting. They were caught off guard when at ten weeks, her pregnancy would shift into high risk as she was diagnosed with a short cervix, making her susceptible to preterm labor. At 20 weeks, her doctor indicated they would need to make some serious changes to help maintain the chances of that occurring. These changes included strict bed rest and a treatment plan for a cerclage (cervical stitch) placed.

Anese would be met with the unexpected again, at 31 weeks when her water broke, resulting in a 2-week hospital stay, and at 33 weeks going into spontaneous labor. While labor wasn't long, pushing her son earthside did take an extended amount of time, and after 2 hours and birth vacuum assistance, she and her husband got to meet their 3lb baby boy. When reflecting on her experience, Anese shared that she was thankful to have had a birth team that gave her the space to try. Many plans for her birth had changed; she hadn't thought about that impact until she was in the moment having it all unfold. But her birth team made sure she was informed, and all options were considered.

This type of support would continue as her family adjusted to life in the NICU. After five weeks, they were able to bring their son home. And as they celebrate year two of his life, healing continues and is just beginning for some family members. The layers of healing have allowed Anese to create support systems for other mothers with her similar experience. It has created a deeper bond for her husband and son and created space for her father to share his experience. Lastly, it sheds light on just how impactful full family-centered and focused care can be.

83 | Faith with Chance - Tia & Martino Gedeus

Tia described the moment when faced with an X-ray needed after a cough sent her to the ER. She was informed that it was cancer after a follow up with a pulmonologist. Leading her down a road of testing, treatment, and specialists. All moving at a fast pace to provide immediate treatment. Tia was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, and she immediately felt herself come outside of her body. She began inpatient chemotherapy treatment for the cancer.They utilized all of the medications, including those that would cross through the placenta, because she didn’t just want to survive the pregnancy and raise her child.

Tia and Martino’s birth would culminate with an emergency surgical birth at 31 weeks pregnant due to the baby having repeated heart decelerations after mom passed a large blood clot. Their hospital stay was brief due to her weakened immune system, but she quickly returned the next day due to a fever that would later be determined as lung inflammation.

Postpartum was challenging, as one might imagine. Their family stepped in to visit Baby Chance in the NICU as Tia healed and Martino took care of her and their other daughter. Yes, the baby was named Chance because they gave him a chance at life. Tia and Martino’s story goes beyond birth; it is a testament to their faith, strength, determination, favor, and love.

81 | Learn How to Overcome Your Fears About Childbirth & Birth Like a Boss - Dayna Ruben

Dayna Ruben’s grandmother had nine children in the Caribbean islands, all homebirths. During her pregnancy, she thought about her a lot, and her first son was born on her birthday, where she would have been 100 years old. Dayna felt deeply connected to her ancestors and the groundwork that would lead her through her pregnancies. She incorporated hypnobirthing as a deep way to tap into her subconscious and have the births they desired. Both pregnancies were without issues and concerns.

Labor ensued slowly as she started dilating on a Monday and would have her membranes naturally rupture (water break) on Thursday. She took her time to prepare herself to leave. She followed the hypnosis scripts that she had been listening to in her sleep, which allowed her to stay calm despite when her surges (contractions) were 5 minutes apart as they left their home. Dayna arrived at 10 centimeters dilated, and her support team was ready to receive her. Unfortunately, they weren’t receptive to her requests, which was frustrating for Dayna. She delivered her baby feeling empowered and knowing she could have done it at home. Her first birth would lead her through a journey of self-discovery and influence her second birth.

Having two births grounded in calm and connection to her body, Dayna now supports other birthing persons in achieving a blissful birth experience without fear.

Hospital Birth, Home Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierDecember 3, 2020Comment

80 | The Moment of Surrender - Marissa Msefya

Hiring a doula is the part of Marissa's journey that set in motion building her dream birth team. Speaking with her doula and getting educated about her birth options, she would switch from her OBGYN to a midwife at eight months of her pregnancy. After discovering alarming rates for surgical births and episiotomies, she knew switching to midwifery care was more aligned with her and her husband's birth plan.

Marissa attributes her birth team for really guiding her in the moments when she thought she couldn't do it. Her doula and husband continuously reminded her of her strength, and her midwife was talking her through her options. Whenever there might be a shift from her birth plan, she always made sure to check back in with Marissa and her husband about what they wanted to do. With that support, eight hours after arriving at the hospital, Marrissa and her husband met their daughter.

In postpartum, their community support would be just as vital as their birth team. Navigating the newborn parenting fog, Marissa relied heavily on the check-ins, meal drop-offs, and any other filled request. And as things arose with breastfeeding, her doula, birth coach, and lactation consultant were always there with advice. Marissa is grateful to have a community to lean on and in every step of the way.

Hospital BirthLaurel GourrierDecember 1, 2020Doula of Color, Family Centered Care, Postpartum Support, Village SupportComment

79 | Pregnancy Needs Support - Deidre Brooks

Picture this, it's 1989, and Deidre found out she was pregnant between 4-5 months gestation after multiple negative tests. The moment she found out became a learning experience for a nurse eager to share the news. Deidre flatly reminded her to work on her delivery as you don't know how a person feels about the pregnancy. The pregnancy moved forward, and she discovered that she was losing weight and often feeling tired, which made her grow agitated with pregnancy.

When she finally went into labor, it proved challenging as the doctor on call was aggressive and had problems in his communication style. Not to have her voice silenced, Deidre made sure he knew how inadequate his service was to her in the moment. Postpartum care with her nurse home visitor helped her overcome the impossible feelings of providing for her son as a single parent. She was thankful for the words of encouragement and for someone to see her plight.

Today, Deidre has been hearing the stories of Black women giving birth, and it has opened her eyes to the experiences of lack of care and attention plaguing Black Maternal Healthcare. Her self-reflection triggers the things that could have gone wrong, and she shares that her experience shows, "That we are blessed even when we don't see it in the moment. There is always humor somewhere. That is what I find in reflecting on my story. Listening to the stats and stories about negative outcomes for black women makes this clear to me."

Hospital BirthLaurel GourrierNovember 24, 2020Community Support Comment

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